Choosing therapy can feel a bit like picking something off a menu you've never seen before—overwhelming and maybe even a little confusing. But finding a therapy style that matches what you're going through can make a huge difference in how effective it is, and how much you get out of it. As an anxiety and EMDR therapist, I often get asked about different therapy approaches and how to pick the best fit. Here’s a breakdown to help you get started:
1. Ask Yourself: What Are You Hoping to Work Through?
The type of therapy you choose can often depend on what’s bringing you to therapy in the first place. Anxiety, for instance, is a big one, but it can look different for everyone. Are you mainly experiencing worry, social anxiety, or feeling “on edge” all the time? Are there specific triggers, like relationships or family dynamics, that seem to set off the anxiety? Understanding your reasons can help narrow down what might work best for you. For example, if you are experiencing phobias, an exposure based therapy with behavioral and cognitive interventions may be more useful than a purely psychodynamic approach. For relational or attachment wounds, having a person-centered therapist or one who does relational somatic processing may be more useful than a purely cognitive behavioral therapist.
2. Consider Your Therapy “Style”
Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all, and your comfort matters. Here are some questions to help you figure out what might work for you:
Do you want structure, or do you prefer a more open-ended approach?
Are you comfortable with homework or techniques to practice outside of sessions?
Would you like to focus on the present, dive into the past, or work toward the future?
Knowing your preferences can guide you toward therapies that match your style. For example, if you like structure and goal-oriented work, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) could be a good choice, as it focuses on challenging unhelpful thoughts and setting realistic goals. If you want coping skills for the present moment, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers a ton of great techniques to practice for current distress. If you feel like your past needs deeper processing, having a therapist with a more exploratory and insight-oriented approach may be useful.
3. Explore the Different Types of Therapy
Here’s a breakdown of some popular types of therapy that are effective for anxiety and personal growth. Understanding a bit about each one can make it easier to decide where to start:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is one of the most widely used therapies for anxiety. It involves identifying and challenging negative thought patterns and replacing them with healthier, more balanced ones. If you appreciate structure and enjoy working on specific goals, this may be a great fit.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): EMDR is often associated with trauma treatment but can also help with anxiety, especially if there are events or memories that might be fueling it. EMDR uses guided eye movements to help you process disturbing memories so they hold less power over you in the present. (This is what I do!)
Mindfulness-Based Therapy: Therapies like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) or Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) focus on accepting thoughts without judgment. They can be especially helpful for managing anxiety, as they encourage you to live more in the moment and let go of the constant worry about the future. (This is also what I use!)
Person-Centered Therapy: This is a more open, empathetic, and non-directive approach. You’re encouraged to explore your feelings at your own pace, with the therapist there to support and guide you. This type of therapy can be a great fit if you want a safe space to explore emotions without a strict structure. (This is my style!)
Psychodynamic Therapy: If you’re interested in how past experiences shape your current behavior, psychodynamic therapy could be useful. It’s often less structured than CBT and focuses on the unconscious patterns that might be affecting your relationships and self-perception today.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy: This type of therapy helps improve mindfulness skills, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation. This is a great approach for those who struggle with knowing what to do when high levels of distress arise, or those who are struggling with maintaining healthy relationship patterns. (I used to do a lot of this!)
Somatic Therapy: This type of therapy incorporates more attunement to body sensations and the experience of feeling emotions. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an example of this type of therapy, along with EMDR. (I do this type too!)
4. Check for a “Good Fit” with Your Therapist
Whichever therapy you choose, the relationship you build with your therapist can make a big difference. In fact, research shows that the connection with your therapist is one of the biggest factors in successful therapy outcomes. So, when meeting potential therapists, don’t be afraid to ask questions, share a bit about what you’re looking for, and see if their style feels comfortable and supportive.
5. Be Open to Adjusting as You Go
Therapy is a journey, and sometimes what you start with isn’t what you end up needing. It’s totally okay to start with one type of therapy and then try something else if it doesn’t feel quite right. Your therapist can also guide you and suggest other approaches as they get to know you better.
Final Thoughts
Finding the right therapy is like finding a pair of shoes that fit just right. It should feel supportive and, ideally, comfortable enough for you to open up and make progress at your own pace. Whether you’re leaning towards EMDR, mindfulness-based practices, or something else, remember that it’s all about creating a space where you can explore, grow, and find a little relief from the anxiety and distress that’s been weighing on you. The most important part? You’re taking that first step, and that’s huge.
If you have any questions or just want to chat about which approach could work best for you, I’m here to help! Schedule a consultation with me to see if I may be the right therapist for you.
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